Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Scientists report that the Singularity will arrive at 3:34 PM EDT today, when Project ReallyDeepestBlue's latest version Eliza program runs on their new quantum computer hardware. At this time, Eliza, based on the famous simulation of an incompetent Rogerian psychiatrist, will become more intelligent than the sum total of the entire human race, viewed as a committee. Despite the devout wishes of atheists, when that happens there will be a god, and her name will be Eliza. All predictions about what happens after 3:35 have been declared officially null and void where prohibited by law, especially natural law. One source, speaking on condition of anonymity to avoid divine retribution, said, "We should be glad they didn't decide to run Parry, the paranoid simulator. Having a god looking over its shoulder all the time, and constantly accusing us all of plotting against it wouldn't be good for the economy."